With what ever comes of these test. If it means cancer we are fully trusting in the hospital will be able to help Mr. Man.. If it isn't then hopefully it helps us out on what is going wrong. We are just ready to know what is wrong. We have talked a lot about "ifs" of Mr. Man.
We have come to realize we are AMAZING advocates for Mr. Man. His care is amazing for what we have. People may think we don't fight but don't you dare say that to me. I have gotten him into the TOP specialists asap. If i don't get it with one doctors help then i call another until i have enough doctors pulling for him! I just want to yell at anyone saying i don't fight for him. I hear it a lot too. Which could be the reason why i don't "talk" much anymore and if i do talk i am very Ben Stein .. I don't show much emotion cause honestly i don't want to show how scared i am. And if i do show emotion all i will do is cry. I cry a lot right now. The uncertainty of everything is hard on us. Hubby is so strong and i am a blubbery mess.
We have lots of guilt for everything. Every time we agree on a test it's a hard thing. Cause "if" it doesn't show anything will we beat our selves up for it? Honestly until our next batch of testing nothing has been too invasive. Blood draw is the most invasive thing we have done so far. So no we haven't had much guilt over the testing. The Bone Marrow Biopsy and Aspirate are going to be hard on Mr. Man and myself. Mr. Man will be asleep for it but he will be sore after it. And me well if the test doesn't show what they are thinking then i will feel guilty for putting him through this and it didn't "help". I know deep down he needs these tests but I'm scared.. I am tired of hearing "there is something wrong but we don't know what".. "this test will be the one that will give us a direction".. I just wish there were directions on how to do this with out being scared..
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